RUNNING A FAMILY MEETING

Helping kids understand upcoming responsibilities and expectations for the week can be one of the most important pieces to helping them have a great week and minimize conflict.  This should be used a guide for creating successful family meetings.  Remember, the structure and the execution should be created by your family, and to meet your family’s specific needs.

1)   Keep everything positive and focused on problem solving.  If someone did not do the dishes on Tuesday as expected, then focus on “I noticed that dishes did not get done on Tuesday.  Let’s figure out what we could do differently next Tuesday so that they get done?”  Do not shame or finger point.

2)   Find a consistent time and environment in which your family can be comfortable and relaxed.  It is important that people are able to be present and focused on the discussion.  If people feel unable to participate reflect that you will be making family decisions, and you respect and value their input.  Ask them how they would be able to participate, as in a change of time or venue, taking breaks during the meeting, having a shorter meeting, or participating for a portion of it.

3)   Have an agenda, which will include all upcoming appointments and duties for the week, and anything that family members want to discuss.  

4)   Have an agreed upon time limit.  Many families can meet together for one hour, while others would like more or less time.  What is important is that your time meets the needs of the family, and that everyone feels like they can participate.

5)   Spend the first section of the meeting creating shared expectations as to how the meeting will run.  There should be a lot of time dedicated to this during the first meeting, and a reminder and discussion of possible changes in subsequent meetings.

6)   There is a facilitator, time keeper, and note taker.  If the children are older and able, it may be nice to rotate the responsibilities.  The facilitator makes sure that discussions are productive, positive, and consensus is reached; the time keeper makes sure that everything on the agenda is discussed in the time allotted; and the note taker puts everything that has been decided in print so that everyone can reflect back to the notes in the following week.  Often the note taker just writes onto a calendar upcoming appointments, chores, and expectations.  Other families have a calendar and a large piece of paper or white board to list out “things to remember’ for the upcoming week.

7)   No mid-week negotiations.  If you and your child agreed that they would clean their room every evening at the family meeting do not negotiate a change in the plan mid-week.  Instead put a large piece of paper in an area accessible to the entire family, and encourage them to write down ideas for next family meeting’s agenda. 

The family meeting process is to help children learn problem solving and planning skills, as well as how to follow through on commitments.  Encourage children’s participation, and remember that even if they are acting contrary your children’s want to have a positive relationship with you and want to be a functional part of the family.